Wednesday, January 4, 2012


In yesterday’s post I talked about the concept of Wabi Sabi, and its origins in the Japanese tea ceremony. When samurai entered a teahouse they removed their swords, leaving behind their conflicts and pretensions with their weapons. When shed of this baggage they were more receptive to the peace and serenity of the tea ceremony, more open to the beauty of the naturally imperfect world.

The parallels for finding happiness in our relationship are invaluable and inviolate. It is so easy to carry the stresses from our day into our relationships, to continue the charade we put on for the world to emphasize how important we are. I know this - because I am way too good at it.

Seeking guidance from the concept of wabi-sabi - we must deliberately accept our partners in relationships, understanding and celebrating where they are, imperfect, unfinished, and mortal.

Appreciation for imperfections in others, and even in ourselves, is essential to a wabi sabi frame of mind. As Leonard Cohen poetically phrased it “There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.”

Being fascinated with another person, shedding our innate desire to be the center of attention, but focusing instead on our partners thoughts, sensations, things that happened to them that day, things that went right, and things that didn’t - letting them know they are fascinating - and that we accept them as they are, not viewing them as a project to be fixed... leaves us with time and emotional energy for truly enjoying the relationship and your partner.

Accepting our own and our partners shortcomings - finding joy in our relationships. Perhaps this is a good news years resolution - celebrating the beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete in our friends and loved ones.

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